If you want to lead a purpose driven life, you need to go through a rite of passage into responsible adulthood
In my last article I’ve already talked about the first four factors that often keep us from living our vocation.
1.You’re using the operating system Survival 8 instead of Destiny 1.0
2. You believe in your own stories
3.You don’t yet own the power of your conscious feelings – especially of your fear
4. You do not yet possess your underworld
Today I would like to briefly outline the second part of the obstacles and what it takes to overcome them.
5. You are hypnotized by the prevailing system and you are convinced that you can only choose from what is offered
We grow up in a system. This system is embedded into a context. The context determines which games are played in the system and what the rules of the games are. These are considered by the players in the system as given and therefore usually not questioned. The context determines, for example, how “working” in the system works. In our modern western context it has worked as follows so far: The main objective of work is to make a living. If you are working hard and/or are lucky, you may even manage to get a job that brings you more than just survival and you could achieve a comfortable life or even a life of luxury. (vocation and inspiration as motivation for working stand only in second or third place)
To achieve this you must have a good education, apprenticeship or course of study and then find a well-paid job as an employee in a renowned company. There you then make a career if you are good enough. Once we go to school, we get prepared to follow this course. We learn what school determines us to learn and we all learn (almost) the same stuff. Therefore, by the time we quit school we are used to selecting courses of study and education that are offered to us by institutions, even if perhaps we are only partly interested in the content. We are convinced that there is nothing else from which we can choose. Afterwards we are looking for a job that halfway fits our interests and talents from the job offers in the paper, and try to make the best possible impression at the interview. This has nothing to do with passion and inspiration. The whole process is reminding me of Cinderella’s stepsisters, cutting themselves a toe or a piece of heel to fit into their sisters’ shoe to marry the prince.
What if your vocation is a job that is not asked for in job offers? It could be a service that a company or the world does not yet even know they urgently need!!
Because something has worked for a long time, does not mean that it still works. Times are changing and the system is lagging behind. In addition to the predetermined linear path, there are infinite non-linear ways to deliver to the world what is needed, what fits your inspiration and enables you to make a living at the same time. Apart from the official degree programs offered by institutions there are many other ways to learn precisely what you want to learn or what is needed. Choosing and deciding is an unalienable force that we can use without permission. You can also choose from what is not offered at any time. Arrange your own study curriculum and create your own “working space”. Live your vocation instead of working to make a living.
Where do you limit your choices to what is already offered, just to fit into the system?
Requirement # 5:
You realize that your power of choosing is not limited to what the system determines. You start choosing consciously also from what is not offered, because it corresponds to your vocation – even if that choice leads you out of your comfort zone. You are aware that safety is an illusion. By making active and conscious decisions you create an environment for yourself in which you are able to be your destiny in action. You stay centered, even when your environment is telling you that this is not possible.
6. You’re living someone else’s life
There are a lot of old feelings and stories stored within us unfolding their effects in our lives without us being aware of it. And some of these stories and feelings are not even ours. We have (unconsciously) adopted them from others.
I grew up in a family where money was always tight and with parents who both worked hard to make enough. The fear of my parents not being able to feed three children was always palpable for me as a child and a constant companion. I soaked up this fear during the 18 years that I spent at home until it filled the last of my cells. The result was that later in my “adult” life I also carried this existential fear with me, even in times when I had enough money to spend. And I worked hard – already as a student. Until I eventually realized that this fear was not my fear but the fear of my parents. Also, I was able to identify the story that “work has to be hard and that it is not a pleasure” as the story of my parents and likewise let it go.
Expectations from the surroundings – spoken out or not – sometimes also lead to our adapting to these and thus leading someone else’s life, instead of living our individual vocation:
- “You shall have it better in life than we did!”
- “First you finish your studies and then you will walk in my footsteps and take over the business.”
- “Wouldn’t it be better to find a decent job before you make yourself unhappy with following these illusions.”
- “We are just a family of lawyers – my grandfather was a lawyer, my father was and I am also a lawyer. What could be better for you? “
- “You know, I dreamed my whole life of becoming a doctor, but we did not have the possibilities back then and with the children it would not have worked anyway. How about a medical degree?”
As I mentioned before, these expectations do not even have to be spoken out – it is enough if we feel these expectations energetically between the lines and we accept them.
If we find out which stories, expectations and feelings about work, money, security, etc. we have adopted from others, we can quite easily return them to their owners. Since they do not belong to us, we can also let them go. For this purpose, it is often necessary to set a clear boundary to our parents or other authorities and thereby take back our own authority.
What stories, expectations and feelings about work, money, security, etc. have you adopted from others?
Requirement # 6:
You identify which stories, expectations and feelings you adopted from someone else (e.g. from authorities and institutions) that keep you from living your calling. You set – for example, in a safely held feelings process – a clear boundary to these authorities and take back your own authority for your life. You stop giving away your center and your power in order to please others, whether this is to parents, external authority figures, or institutions.
7. Ancient unconscious decisions are still active in you
In addition to internalized feelings of others, also decisions we unconsciously or consciously made during traumatic situations in our past can keep us from living our vocation. We may have made these decisions in our early childhood, during our birth, or even earlier. With the suppression of the traumatic experience and the corresponding feelings, we push these decisions into the subconscious, where they can go unnoticed and influence our lives. We do this in order to ensure our survival by trying to avoid similar situations in the future.
Here a small example from my personal life: I remember a situation in my childhood when I had made such a decision – it was actually much more than a decision, it was a vow. Due to a traumatic event with my mother I swore in that moment that no one will ever again have so much power over me. My mother had this power due to the mere fact that I was a child and dependent on her. The result was that in my early adult life I was not able to trust anyone, I could not commit to anything, and I had a packed bag at hand so I could disappear if it became necessary. To place myself into the service of my vocation was not at all possible because of the impact of this vow.
Traumatic experiences such as neglect, persecution, punishment, abuse, etc., can result in making decisions like, for example, to never let ourselves be seen as we really are, to not be present, to not trust anyone or take a risk, to take revenge or to push away our vocation.
These old decisions are stored in our body together with the information about the traumatic situation and the corresponding feelings. Through conscious feelings work in a safely held space these memories and old decisions can be brought into consciousness again and replaced by new decisions that allow yourself to be your destiny in action.
What old, outdated decisions are still determining your life?
Requirement # 7:
You gothrough a minimum of 10 to 12 personal feelings processes where you express all unexpressed feelings, identify old obstructive decisions from past traumatic situations and replace them with new adult and responsible decisions that enable you to be your destiny in action.
8. Destiny shows up at a certain level of responsibility
In essence, the eighth factor is a summary of the first 7 requirements. This is because in order to do all the things that are mentioned under 1 to 7, it takes courage and willingness to leave your comfort zone. To live your vocation has nothing to do with feeling comfortable. At least that is not the purpose of living your vocation – it may be a result, but it is not the primary goal of vocation. The primary goal of vocation is to make yourself and your talents available to the world and to put yourself into the service of something greater than yourself.
Therefore vocation only becomes clear when we are ready to take the step into radical responsibility. If we are willing to give up our cherished excuses and loopholes. If the pain of spending another day not living your vocation is bigger than the fear of dying.
But as long as we cling to a labor system that keeps all participants from taking radical responsibility because it is focused on safety, survival and dependency, rather than fulfilment and vocation, destiny will not show up in our lives! As long as we prefer to tell victim stories about the circumstances that keep us away from living our vocation, destiny will not show up in our lives!
It may be necessary to first change your own point of view regarding responsibility. In our society, responsibility is not necessarily considered to be attractive, but rather as something that should be avoided. The following map illustrates this and reveals the secret of radical responsibility:
Are you ready to take radical responsibility and to put yourself into the service of your calling with all the consequences, even if you have to leave your comfort zone?
Requirement # 8:
You take radical responsibility for your life and you are aware that this is not a final state, but a continuous act of decision and creation. You are aware that everything you are doing and not doing, generates corresponding results. You stop using circumstances as an excuse for not living your vocation. Instead you use all the abilities you developed working on the requirements 1 to 7 for responsibly creating those circumstances that are necessary to live your vocation.
All the factors, requirements and secrets described in this article are nothing less than a modern process of initiation into responsible adulthood. A book or intellectual coaching cannot be a substitute for this process. It’s all at your disposal, if you really want to step onto the path of living your vocation – but not without a responsible decision.