Do you still spend your life in the corridor of indecision?

Making a conscious decision sometimes is difficult for us. For you too? There are several possibilities right in front of you but you just don’t make it to grab and choose one of them? This can happen with simple decisions, like choosing your dinner from the menu in the restaurant, as well as with ‘seemingly’ important decisions, like choosing the studies or the profession you want to engage yourself in.

The moment before making a decision is exciting and paralyzing at the same time. The longer you wait with your decision, however the more this moment becomes unbearable – except you use the power of repression and increase your numbness bar so that you don’t feel the tension anymore (‘I go and play a session of World of Warcraft or look what’s going on on Facebook’). Then you hope that somehow you get a sign, or somebody else will make the decision for you or that you don’t have to make the decision at all. ‘I don’t have to decide right now. I can decide later!’

The problem is, in this interspace – or better anteroom, like the corridor of your apartment – in this space NOTHING happens! NOTHING at all! It is a space where you put on your shoes, grab your keys and prepare yourself to go to the next space. It is neither comfortable, nor warm, nor is it made to spend a lot of time there. It is a dead space, serving only for transition. Never the less some people made this space their home, they stay there the whole time – in the corridor of indecision or the waiting room of life. They stay there just because NOTHING is happening and so they think nothing can happen to them either.

To not make a decision is like breathing in deeply and then holding your breath. That feels quite good for a moment: all these possibilities right in front of you, wow, you just need to grab them! But you don’t.

And why? Very simple: parting hurts!

Possibilities fare well – parting hurts!

Every decision is like a parting, a small death goes along with it. All the not chosen possibilities are dying in the moment of decision. And this parting is painful. It is the price, you have to pay for your decision – and every decision has its individual price.

The price for your decision could be, e.g.

  • the not chosen alternatives, which are not available any longer
  • to live with the consequences of your decision
  • not being a victim of circumstances anymore
  • not being able to blame somebody else for the situation anymore
  • to take a stand and to become visible
  • to get feedback
  • to create results, you don’t know yet whether you will like them or not
  • Etc

Sometimes you probably believe you could avoid paying the price or feeling the pain, by not making a decision. Like that, you still have all the opportunities – that’s at least what you tell yourself. Doing this however, you pay a much higher price, without noticing it. You pay with your life!

Making decisions is the continuous conscious act of creation from moment to moment of an initiated adult man or woman (it helps to read this sentence two or three times). Adult men or women are willing to pay the full price for their decisions.

Not to make a decision is also a decision!

The reasons why you sometimes procrastinate your decisions can be manifold. Here are some suggestions:

  • You are afraid of making mistakes, afraid of making the wrong decision
  • You don’t want to take responsibility, you don’t want to be guilty
  • You think you don’t know enough or that you have not enough information to make the decision
  • You still believe in the concept of safety and guarantee, so that you wait until you are totally sure
  • You are afraid of committing yourself or to become dependent
  • You are afraid to be trapped by your own decision – once and forever!!
  • Etc

What are your favourite reasons? All these reasons are totally understandable and well known, because we live in a society where ‘safety’ is considered as one of the highest values. Whole industries only exist because there are so many people chasing safety. However, safety is an illusion!

The only profit you gain from not deciding is, that you don’t have to feel this fear and insecurity and that you can pretend to be a victim of circumstances. There is no other benefit! Therefore, the question is, whether this benefit is worth paying with your life.

To make a decision, you need anger

No, it is not a typing error – it is in fact anger not courage. You also need courage to implement your decision. Probably you know this quote: “Courage is not the absence of fear, but the decision, that there is something more important than the fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious don’t live at all.” To tell you the truth, I added the word “decision”, because for me it really feels like that. Courage is a conscious decision! And to make a decision you need anger!

The word decision makes it clear. It derives from the Latin word de-caedere, which means to cut something off. Making a decision is a conscious and (you could say) violent act of cutting something off. The German word entscheiden means unsheathing, drawing your sword. You draw your sword of clarity and you cut off the chosen alternative from the rest. Pow! By doing this you set free all the energy and power which goes right into the chosen alternative. It is like a clearance or a birth process. The power, which was formerly divided on all the possible alternatives, suddenly is focused on the chosen alternative. In letting the other alternatives go or even die, you give birth to the chosen option. That is the power and magic of decision!

I once made this experience in a very impressive way. Since my childhood, I had this dream of becoming a dancer. It was a very powerful dream I had during my whole childhood and adolescence, but which I forgot at a certain time in my life. Later, I was about 31 years old, I went to the cinema to watch the movie Billy Elliot – I will dance!. I sat there in front of the screen for two and a half hours and wept bitterly. I went home, still crying. I wept all night. Until I eventually remembered my long forgotten dream of becoming a dancer. Then I realized: I never said good-bye to that dream. I had not yet decided against it. A part of my awareness, my energy and my power was still bound to that dream. A part of me still wanted to become a dancer – even at the age of 31.

Therefore, I chose this moment to make a conscious decision, not to follow the path of a professional dancer anymore. I performed a little ritual to officially saying good-bye to this dream. The picture I saw during this ritual was of a tall tree that had grown a big side branch. In this picture, I cut off this side branch with an axe – and I needed a lot of anger to do so – so that all the energy that was constantly flowing to the side branch suddenly was flowing into the main trunk of the tree. What happened afterwards in my life is still unbelievable for me. One year later, I started to follow my destiny in becoming a trainer and coach.

There is a well-kept secret in our society: A decision does not last a lifetime, except you want it to last that long. You can make a new decision in every moment of your life. You already make decisions every minute without even noticing it. Every little movement, every little step and every look you take, needs a decision. And even if the not chosen alternatives are not available anymore in the moment of your decision, one moment later a set of totally new opportunities will arise on the horizon. If you are aware of that, there is no reason anymore to spend your days in the corridor of indecision, while just outside your door the pulsating, adventurous life is waiting for you to make a leap! So, what do you chose?

Love,
Patrizia

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